I have always believed in God. I went to church most of my life until I was 26ish. Until Christians told me and questioned me. If I was doing the right things by God, even when my husband decided to leave me. I got asked, if I am following God’s footsteps. Then finding out I had two types of cancer; Christians also told me that I reap what I sow and because of my past actions I have what I have.

Are you kidding me? Like seriously you want to tell me that and put that on me. When God is all about Love. Kindness. And accepting one another for who we are.

What type of person, no sorry what type of Christian says that to another human while going through sickness and not just any sickness, the big C. (cancer) and a breakup. Like my ex-husband was my first ever boyfriend, my first ever kiss, my first ever love, my first ever date and my first ever anything. And you want to put that shit on me. You can go fuck yourself. I don’t have to deal with people like that. And these people also knew a lot about me and my relationship at the time. as some of them were christian mentors. It hurts a lot, that these people were close to you and you trusted them and then they turn around and say stuff like that to you. Like why, what is the purpose, what is your purpose? Did it make you feel good about yourself. Life is hard enough without you saying that and putting me down. You don’t need to make it harder for me. I will respect you and be nice to you and treat you with kindness, but I don’t need to respect your comments or your behaviour and I wont make time for you. If you feel like that, then go live your life, go look in the mirror and say what you said to me when you are at your lowest and see how you feel. I believe everyone has their own opinion but be careful of how you say it, what you say and when.

And now these same people question me about why I don’t go to church and make a big deal of my Christianity. And why I don’t make it known that I am a Christian. When instead I go to the pub with my friends and hang out with them where I can be myself. But in saying this, I am more loving, more accepting, more kind, more caring and more non-judgemental than most Christians I have come across. And all my non-Christians are better and more accepting than most, they definitely don’t say anything like that to me, we all think it is appalling and something you should never say to someone. We love each other and don’t judge anyone for what they look like, or who they are or what they have been through.

Some Christians have made it very hard for people to go to church, to go back to church or even people think I can’t even step into a church because it will burn to pieces. But where are they getting this attitude from? like really think about it. Non-Christians didn’t get it from their own thoughts. The world can be tough, life is tough, and so don’t you think we should be there, encourage and love everyone for who they are, instead of making someone think they are not good enough, and think before you act. Words do cut deep. And they can stick with someone for a long time.

I believe in God and believe some things about God. But some things I do not understand, nor will I ever wrap my head around it or Him. It is just how it is. Some things we will never understand how or why.

How do you know what is right. How do know what to believe. When God is all about love and non-judging etc, then why do Christians not walk that way (practice what they preach) and not show that type of love. These people want to know everything about you and keep tabs on you, but as soon as you ask about them, nope it is a closed book. Just doesn’t make sense and it contradicts everything

I just don’t understand how people want to know everything about you, but as soon as you ask them and want to help it’s a huge no. also, they think they can tell you how to feel, act and what to do when you are going through shit. And they have no idea, they have never been in this situation. But they think they know. Bullshit. You might be able to tell me what you feel and how to act when you have gone through the same shit as me. Then I might listen and care what you have to say, but until then don’t be only showing up when my life gets hard. where were you when life was good, I didn’t see you tell me how to feel, act and live. So why now?

The thing is we are all hurting and all go through our own stuff. We all have our own stories to tell. But some people just want to control everything they can. But my darling it is not your story to tell or change. You have your own and I am not about to change yours. It is yours and yours alone. We all need each other to help us and be there for us. But don’t try and change who we are. we need to go through things, we need to learn, we need to grow and see how it turns out for ourselves.

I believe in being you. I believe in being kind. I believe in being loving and accepting. And I believe in non judging others. We all have our own story, our own journey and we need people around us who will lift us up and help us when needed. Love us through the hard times and yes the good times. Life is hard enough without people in your ear telling you things to bring you down.

I love you my darling. And I am here for you. And you are not alone in life. Find your people. Find your place. Find yourself and don’t lose any of it.