there’s this song. Just be held by Casting Crowns

‘Hold it all together Everybody needs you strong But life hits you out of nowehere And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting Chained by your control There’s freedom in surrender Lay it down and let it go’

yes, it is a Christian song. but we think we have to hold it together all the time. and only certain people can see us weak and vulnerable because you don’t want others to think you have failed and you don’t have the answers.

When in the matter of speaking, no one does. No one is perfect and no one has their life figured out. Keep being you and keeping moving forward and fighting for what you want. And fighting for who are.

For the last 5 years, life has dealt one heck of a hand for me and some days I have wanted to let go, give up and stop fighting. But I don’t because life is worth living, and yes even in and through the shit, the heart aches and everything else that happens, even the good things I have wanted to give up (because I know from past experiences it never lasts). I have cried, I cried like waterfalls when no one is watching. Some days I do not want to get out of bed. I want to hide away. But some days I want to get up. I want to prove myself. I want to do more. I want to show my sickness, my hurt, my past relationships, my life that I am stronger than they know, and I can do anything and come out on the other side.

If I can go through, a divorce, not being able to have a child, getting told it is your fault and that’s why they left, constant mental abuse, domestic violence, being blamed while walking away with bruises, 4 hernias, constant operations, no secure career, pcos, endometriosis, 2 types of cancer, being told I reap what I sow and my past choices made me get all this.

And guess what. I am still here and now

I am writing to you; to tell you I have made it. I made it through and came out stronger and I am still here fighting and smiling until I have nothing left. So can you. My darling please don’t give up. Please don’t stop. People need you. You need people. The world needs you. Just because I have made it, doesn’t mean it is not over, doesn’t mean it will be easy from now and my life is sorted out. No, it is far from over. It is getting started because I know who I am and I am not giving up.

So, remember when you are going through whatever you are going through, fighting those demons, struggling to find your ability to go do life. remember you don’t have to do it alone and you don’t have to ‘Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control’

Because there are people here for you. There are people out there who want to help you and see you come out of this valley and see you succeed.

They can hold you, they can fight with you, they can stand with you, they can and will love and support you.

And my darling; I will stand with you. I will help you. I believe in you.