To whoever is reading this;

Lately so much has been going through my head and to be honest, I feel I can’t do life anymore and I don’t want too. Over being hurt not just in relationships, but by my family, work, and everything around me. It seems I can’t do anything right.

Sick of feeling like I have failed everyone. And actually, even more myself. I don’t know who to tell, even what to say. It will come out not making sense and I feel insecure about telling people, because I need to hold it together and if people know how I feel really, I would have failed everyone. I am over my life going good then shit. I am over not having a good job and hating getting screwed over. I am 33 and lately that is what my life looks life. Ever since I left Port Macquarie my life seems to be going down hill and not in just one area but all. And I honestly cannot deal with it any more. I want it to end, and I want to end things. Actually no, I want things to turn around and things to work out and for me to be healthy and not sick anymore. I am scared that’s it, my future freaks me out and I do not know what to do. I get scared to start something because who knows. I am scared what people will think and especially the things they will say and put on me. It seems like no one is proud of me and I am not good enough. I do not know who I can tell and feel safe telling because I am over this happening all the time.

I have been damaged so many times and it seems to keep going. I know what I want but I feel I can’t, and I am not good enough for that. I am always doing my best, trying to keep it together, trying to be positive and always loving and kind. will never stop. I will never stop fighting but I am tired. I feel weak, exhausted, worn out and I honestly do not know what to think or even how to feel.

My Darlings, I am telling you this because I do not know who reads my blog and I think that’s why I can write to you. I know we at some point in our life, we would all feel this way and life would just pile up. And things do turn around and can and will get better.

Yes, I feel like this still and struggle. The last 3 days when the house is empty, I sit and cry to myself. Just because crying is a good thing and can be healthy. I do some writing as well and get up and start my day. I will always get up and do life, because I do not want the shit to bring me down and the horrible things that have happen and the people who have done wrong by me to win. I won’t let them win. I know I am stronger but some days I feel weak and that is okay. We learn to pick ourselves up and reach out to the right people and keep going.

I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING for my health and my happiness. I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING AND BEING KIND. because everyone needs love, and we all go through shit and get dealt a shit hand from time to time but we can still show kindness. And be open and real but to the right people and you will be amazed. (as I have been)

This is lifes a bitch by em bell and I am real.