I was walking this morning and walking through the leaves that had fallen from the trees. So many colours. So beautiful. And it got me thinking…

Life is like the seasons in the year. But Autumn in particular, think about the trees, they bloom so beautifully and bright and bold, they go through so much torture and shit, wind, rain, hail, cyclones, dry heat, humidity, heat none of us can survive. But all that as well, brings life, nutrition, a will to live. And in Autumn they shred everything they have been through, go bare or clean. And they start fresh. It is like they have been healed and refreshed in a way like us. But it is all still beautiful just like you and me.

I don’t know what you have been through to get where you are. But I will take my hat off to you. As I know it would not have been easy. But we all need to heal and process everything we have been through. We all need to go bare, be open, be vulnerable, be willing to go through change to become a better version of ourselves and be ready to go through whatever comes next. Things always happen, things come unexpected and sometimes there is nothing we can do. but if we have opened ourselves and gone through the change and healing process then we are stronger and will be ready to go again and again.

I believe you can always be healed and let go of the past at some point in your life. the thing is we ourselves have to be willing to do it. Stop letting the past control you and people who are no longer in your life, stop you and scare you from doing things. Because here’s a secret the more we hold onto it, the more it affects us and not them. You, my darling need to be brave and take that step.

Believe me, it is not easy. I still struggle. Like I struggle a lot and have been for a few months now. Things were going great but now, things are tough, and my life is in a hole again. and I do not know what to do. or how to get out. Because sometimes I get sick of trying and coming out and then going back downhill. Em is very much over it. I have even shut down and writing is my way out and my way of communicating. But hey I would rather see you happy and not go through shit you don’t deserve, and I would rather help you. And listen to you. And to tell you, you are not alone.

One other thing, with all the people who have done you wrong, don’t wish anything on them, etc. the worst, something horrible to happen. Because it is not worth it, and it is not how we should live. It is best if you don’t think of them at all. With what I have been through, I would not wish it on anybody, especially the person who physically assaulted me, or the person who left me because I couldn’t give them a family. I know they did me wrong, but they are no longer in my life and why waste my time thinking of them and how I can get them back, when there is no point. Yes, they might deserve it, yes, they might have it coming for them. But my life is so much better without them and without me thinking about them. AND they are most likely happy and believe they have done nothing. But I still would wish or put anyone through DV, cancer, pcos and the pain, endometriosis and the pain, the sickness, the scars, the time it takes, the mental and physical struggle. Because it is horrid. They were horrid to me but like I keep saying; I am me, I am Em Bell because of all of it. And because of it, I can write to you.

Right now, I am like a tree in autumn, I am bare, I am vulnerable, I am weak, I am taking everything that gets blown at me, trying to play the hand that I have been dealt. But I know deep deep down that a new season is coming. A new chapter. A new beginning is coming, and I will flourish again and grow strong and have coverage to help me through the next season. But this chapter and hand that I have, I am bare and coping everything harder, rougher and it feels like it is going straight through because like a tree with no leaves that is what happens. But I believe that I will grow branches again and will get dealt a new hand SOON (I hope). Not sure how long it will be but just like seasons in the year last 3-5 months, this hand I have been dealt can too last 3-5 months or longer.

So, stand with the people you know and trust. Stand around and with them. Be guarded and protected by the ones who love you and the ones you know you can trust.

It is hard. it will be tough. It will be long. But good always comes.

She believes in you. She’s got you. She is here. You can be scared but be scared with people, tell people. But while being scared you can be happy, loved, and making the most of life.

You Got This.

life is a bitch. But life is good.