So, most of you know, I have two forms of cancer. Both are in my cells and can come back anytime and one was high grade. I have another check-up coming up and for the last month I have been so on edge, nervous, sick, and just plain scared.

I am so over being in pain and sick; but sometimes it just comes with the hand we have been dealt. I am with loved ones but honestly, I want to run. I hate being a burden on people.

How do I deal with this. How do I process it. How do I get by.

Life is unexpected and things come and go. People come and go. Sometimes you might think why me, why did this happen to me. You think you do everything right and love and accept everyone for who they are and you still get the short end of the stick. The shit end.

Being through what I have is fucked. I don’t wish it on anyone. But I can’t change the past and can’t make myself forget or wish I never had gone through what I did and have the sickness I have. So, in some way we learn to live with what we have and play the hand we have been dealt.

Even the best people in the world get shit thrown at them and sometimes there are no words and not much we can say. But we can be there for them and let them know you care.

Darlings, life is hard. sicknesses are fucked. Work is stressful. People are annoying and stressing at times. Life can get you in the dumps. But some people do care and are good.

Every time I have an operation or procedure I always have to go to ‘That Place’ (blog) my place and just stand or sit and just take it all in. Take a deep breath and let it all out. Let is all go. Because in that moment everything seems to be okay. And Life is good. and we all need to know and believe life is and will be good. I love my place and will always go there. My heart is home there and feels at peace.