I do not understand life, people or behaviour is the main one. You date people. You make friends with people and for some reason things turn out not what you expected or just shit. And for some reason you are always the one to be blamed and told it is for your fault. When you stood by them, held their hand, continued to love them, made excuses for them, brushed it off. then one day things turn and you can’t understand why. And tell others and themselves it was all your fault. What the actual fuck?! I believe and know I am a good person. I love and accept everyone as they are. And for some reason they make you overthink and wonder was it really you. But for the life of me I can’t seem to comprehend why or how it is me.

In the last 5 years I have changed dramatically. I am more patient, more loving, more accepting, more kind. less controlling, less yelling, less angry, less ocd. But things in life will and won’t always make sense. And that does my head in. the good people always get the worst. I am done with drama and bull shit. I don’t have time for it. And I don’t need it.

Some people thrive on drama and love it. And just make things happen for their entertainment. I am not that person. I would rather see everyone else happy and loving life. then not too. Even your worst enemy deserves to be happy. whatever they have done, or whatever you have done. There is still love for you and you are still worth it. We all stuff up. We all fall short. But that does not decrease your value or who you are.

If anything, when you screw up, you learn from it. You grow from it. You mature. And hopefully you will not do it again. but if you do, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. Life is about learning and growing. We all make mistakes and learn from them. But just don’t give up, when you do screw up, or something bad happens. Keep going because it is not worth giving up. Believe me I KNOW.

I wanted to give up so many times. I wanted to my life so many times. But I am so so glad I didn’t. because I am the happiest, I have been. I love life. I love my job. Best job I have had. And if I gave up I would not be here where I am. I would not be writing to you. I wouldn’t be able to tell you life is worth living. I believe in you. You are you for a reason and you are worth it. Don’t lose hope. Because I believe in you. I got you. We all have ups and downs but it does not and cannot destroy us. It will make you You. Keep going. It does not always happen overnight. My happiness and shit to get through took 10 years but I would not change my life and my story. Would not wish it not anyone. Would not wish it away. Would not want to change. It has made me Em Bell. And I love who I am. And I want you to get to that point in life. where you love who you are and are happy.